College characters: The SU Hack

Brigit Hirsch exposes this House 6 dwelling, placard-wielding species of Trinity student

Every college needs a hero. If the heroes of Trinity are the sabbatical officers of the students’ union, then SU Hacks are their loyal sidekicks. The Hack rises from the ashes of their pubescent years and takes to the proverbial rooftops of Trinity, watching for trendy drama, always ready to leap in and start a fight with the latest villain, and following the every move of the SU. The tragic backstory of awkward secondary school years, fraught with puberty and the struggle to be popular, gives the SU Hack an unparalleled ambition for social power. 

The SU Hack walks among Trinity students, mild-mannered and hard to spot. As a vigilante for the people, the great talent of the Hack is their ability to shape-shift. Their clothes, hair, jewelry, and makeup blend in with the latest fashions, always fit to be worn to a SU council meeting or drinks with whomever may be the next Ents officer. The SU Hack often wears eccentric tights, in true superhero style. Each year, the Hack dons a different coloured shirt in the Arts Building to distribute SU sabbatical candidate literature, hoping one day to command a team of their own t-shirted volunteers. 

“The SU Hack walks among Trinity students, mild-mannered and hard to spot.”

By day, the Hack lurks in a fittingly secret base – the dark recesses of the SU Kitchen – tweeting #YupCouncil in an attempt to catch the favour of any sabbatical officer. By night, they work the social scene of Trinity. There is no club scene too large, nor Halls prinks too small, for the SU Hack to show their face and network. 

However, the nightlife of Trinity is not only the place to plant seeds for future SU campaigns, it is where the SU Hack picks up the trail of the latest Trinity bad guy. Whether it be rent, Paddy P, single-use plastics, fees, or just The Man, the SU Hack can and will fight any threat to the civilians of Trinity. Armed only with a KeepCup and a (hopefully) recycled cardboard sign, the Hack bravely attends each and every protest, be it outside the Dining Hall or marching down Kildare Street. The Hack champions meetings with the SU and authority figures, and proclaims each college victory with a social media storm. Abandoning the last trendy problem for the next, the SU Hack gets their name by pouncing with ease from crisis to crisis, tackling climate change one week and then forgetting it, perhaps forever, in favor of #TakeBackTrinity. And, while protecting students is always the ultimate goal, each achievement somehow finds its way on to the SU Hack’s CV.  

“one day, rising from student to master, the Hack may just be the SU President”

Each student at Trinity can rest easy, knowing that there is an SU Hack out there to protect their peers. With each ballot cast in an SU election, the Hack grows stronger, more powerful, more likely to buy a megaphone for the next big rally. Ever the shadow and willing helper of the current SU sabbatical officers, the SU Hack learns the ways of campus politics from the masters of lobbying. And one day, rising from student to master, the Hack may just be the SU President.

Brigit Hirsch

Brigit Hirsch is the current Student Living Editor of Trinity News, and a Junior Sophister English and Philosophy student.