Here our sex, relationships and lifestyle guru Uncle Jamie answers your most intimate problems. Today’s letter is a little racy so those of a nervous predisposition might read with caution.
Dear Uncle Jamie,
I have a recently embarked on a relationship with a fellow classmate. It is going much better than expected and to tell the truth, I’m happier than ever.
That said I am suffering in silence through one, what you might call, ‘teething problem’.
As our relationship is still in its uber passionate infancy I write not to complain about the lack of coition; but rather the nature of it.
More specifically it is the nibbly nature of the felatio I so gratefully receive from my ‘study buddy’ which is causing me both embarrassment and at times pain.
Whilst I appreciate my luck at finding such a prolific Under-the-Cover Lover (I’ve privately nicknamed her ‘The Dyson’), I really struggle to find enjoyment in her incessant nibbling, near chewing, of my Tallywhacker.
How, oh wise one, can I politely remind her that this is a liquid lunch and that no gnashers need attend?
Yours,
Anon
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Dear Anon,
Firstly, you will be relieved to know, you are not alone in your masticating lady-friend. Indeed, even the briefest perusals of the ‘Cyber Web’ shows this to be a most common occurrence.
Ms_October, for example, responds to a thread on this very matter by saying “If you like it and it hurts nobody, it’s normal” whilst Tiemetighter84 adds “I agree with Ms_October, this kind of this happens all the time 😉 ”
Just because gnawing may be normal, however, does not mean you have to endure it. And so to my potential remedies.
In instances such as these we psychologists/JS Bess students always try to find the source of a problem, and here I believe there to be two.
Number one: she may have been neglected as an infant and denied sufficient breast feeding. Regrettably, unless you are in possession of a fully lactating set of breasts there are limited options to address this one.
Secondly, or perhaps in concert with the aforementioned, your lover’s parents failed to bring her up properly, causing a deficit in good manners and thus an insistence on chewing with an mouth open.
If this is the case some thoughtfully directed discipline should do the trick. “Would you mind not treating my nob like a Snickers”, that sort of thing.
Note well, however, that even though her parents are clearly at fault; this does not give you a free license to raise the issue at Sunday lunch.
All the best,
Uncle Jamie
