Agony Uncle Jamie – Election Irritation

Here our in-house sex, relationship and lifestyle guru Uncle Jamie responds to a troubled reader.

Dear Uncle Jamie,

As you will no doubt be aware you cannot go anywhere around College at the moment without some nob in a colorful t-shirt thrusting manifestos and leaflets into your hand with irritating phrases such as “Vote X to put the ‘wel’ back in ‘welfare’.

Well, I write to you to say I’m ‘wel’ fucked-off with the whole thing. Do they honestly believe that I give even the tiniest toss about their plans for SU constitutional reform?

Do they genuinely think that by shoving some clip-art filled, word-art bestrewn, shit slogan touting, pointless policy professing, shiny piece of paper in my hand that I will even consider voting for them?

Are their lives so defunct of excitement that they honestly get pissed-off when another candidate slags-off their idea for free bananas on Fridays? Do they not have somewhere else to be?!

Essentially Uncle Jamie, my question is this: how can I can I tell my politically minded pals to go and die without actually saying “go and die you trumped-up little twat”.


Sean Nugent

Dear Sean,

I think a little bit of all us shares your dislike for the Student Union election process. Whether it is the boring speeches before lectures, the endless cluttering of your Facebook news feed or the paper paraphernalia that you mention these are tedious times for ‘normal students’.

That said I think your arguments, passionate and persuasive as they are, may benefit from a little perspective. Yes, the elections and all associated activities can be terrifically irritating; but they’re also rather important.

Indeed, let’s not forget that whoever wins will not only be entitled to around thirty thousand of our hard-earned Euros; but also that it will be their faces that will appear on all those posters around college.

With this in mind (particularly the latter) I urge you to use your vote at this election, to have your voice heard. More specifically I urge you to vote for the hottest candidates, to have your voice heard shouting “I don’t mind seeing that fitty on the posters outside the Arts Block…as long as it’s not that munter!”.

I hope this helps.