It happened again last week. As I lay in bed, tossing and turning, I felt this sudden rush of unwanted thoughts take over my mind. As they crept up on me, all I could hear myself say was, “Why would I say that!?” “They’re probably never going to talk to me again after that joke,” and “I definitely shouldn’t have texted that; it’s exactly why I got ghosted,” or “That was such a stupid question to ask!” I spent half the night replaying and dissecting almost every conversation I have ever had. The fact that I couldn’t go back in time and change everything I said or did added to my stress, keeping me awake until about 4am. I was exhausted for the entirety of the following day, barely able to focus in any of my classes. If this experience sounds familiar, I recommend sticking around. Hopefully, I can help you with some tried-and-tested tips and tricks. If you’re reading this and have no idea what’s going on, welcome to the world of an overthinker.
“I have come to realize that overthinking is more common than one might expect, especially among college students”
Having spoken to a lot of people about it, I have come to realize that overthinking is more common than one might expect, especially among college students. Being an overthinker is like being trapped in a vicious cycle. Factors like academic pressure and social expectations adversely affect how much one overthinks and vice versa. Every time I submit an assignment to Turnitin, I feel a pit of anxiety build in my stomach. I begin to question whether the assignment deserves a decent score or was even worth submitting. This worry stays with me until I have a new assignment to worry about. There are days when the anxiety is so severe that I worry about failing a particular module. Such worries send me into a spiral of procrastination due to a need to perfect every assignment/exam I submit. Sometimes, I like to keep myself busy just to avoid boredom, which ultimately results in overthinking. I was not always like this.
“As an international student, the drastic environmental and cultural changes fuelled those anxious tendencies”
In my first year, the academic shift left me a little lost. As a relatively high ranker in secondary school, I suddenly found myself barely able to keep up with my peers. I remember seeing the grade on my first assignment, which left me distraught for a good week or so. Additionally, as an international student, the drastic environmental and cultural changes fuelled those anxious tendencies. On the days I turned up to class wearing something slightly extravagant, I believed I was being judged or watched. I always worried that I never looked as good as the people around me. It would leave me feeling uncomfortable the entire day. It even took me a while to make friends at Trinity, so eating a meal alone on campus suddenly became a dilemma for me. I could not eat without thinking about how lonely and friendless I looked. The first year is largely about meeting new people and forming new experiences, but I would avoid social events to keep from worrying about how I looked or what I said later. To many, this may sound completely novel, while to others, this is the most familiar thing they’ve read all week. Trust me, having become more comfortable with college life myself, I regret a lot of things I did NOT do in my first year because of my overthinking tendencies. Reading all this sounds as exhausting as it felt back then. It was only in my second year that I decided I had to change my habit of overthinking, or at least try to!
Phew — sounds pretty heavy, I know! So, if you’re still reading this article, the advice I’m about to regurgitate here may sound a little redundant and repetitive, but it helped me improve quite a bit and should hopefully help you, too. Firstly, it is extremely important to reframe those negative thoughts. No, those people were not staring at your outfit. Everyone worries about being judged, but how often do you remember what most people were wearing on a particular day (except the outfits you thought were amazing and would wear yourself)? Absolutely none! Others don’t remember either, so wear that one dress collecting dust in your cupboard. Reframe your negative thoughts into more positive, realistic ones. Make it a point to focus on all the positive or uplifting things that happened to you that day.
“It is important to be compassionate toward yourself. I know you do not judge people around you as harshly as you do yourself, so be kinder”
Taking up a productive yet calming activity benefited me quite a bit as well. I love painting and have not done it in a while. I only picked it up again in my third year. It helps me redirect my thoughts and focus on something more productive. Why waste time on things in the past when you could use that energy to learn something valuable? Remember, do not beat yourself up if the new activity you try does not go the way you would want it to. It is important to be compassionate toward yourself. I know you do not judge people around you as harshly as you do yourself, so be kinder. We all make mistakes, and learning to be more forgiving is a part of that as well.
I think a major contributor to our self-doubt is social media. Limiting the amount of time you spend on social media will prevent you from comparing yourself to others. Comparison is truly the thief of joy, so try to live in the moment more and avoid comparing yourself to others!
Lastly, meditation is a blessing to humanity. I know this is not what you want to hear right now. Suggesting being left alone with your thoughts sounds absolutely bizarre. It did to me at first, but trust me, all you need is time and practice. Eventually, it helps cope with all the stress and drown out those thoughts.
It is also important to remember that you are not alone in this experience. There are so many people among us who go through the exact same thing you do. One of them may also be your friend. So, remember to embrace your faults as much as you embrace your victories and enjoy these few years of college. They can really be the best if you want them to!
