How to Tinder, you may ask? To begin with, you should stop hiding the app in an inconspicuous folder on your phone that no one else will find. Look, I get it. I get the download shame and the thinly-veiled self hatred we think we need to feel when putting ourselves out there in the dating scene like that, especially on an extremely superficial platform. Before I get into the truly juicy tips, I need to reiterate that Tinder is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Behind every profile is someone just as scarlet as you messaging strangers and looking for something—you’re no better or worse! I’ve spent far more time than I care to admit on this ungodly app, so I’m here to help in any way I can with your Tinder trials and tribulations. Come six weeks, you could be reeling in the socially-distanced coffee dates.
“When you give people a genuine chance in this no-consequences environment, the connections that you form could really surprise you.”
Don’t be picky with appearance, be picky with chat:
I obviously don’t mean that you should swipe right on someone that you’re wholeheartedly not attracted to, but I would always err on the side of: when in doubt, swipe right. So many of us are rigidly fixed on a type, but Tinder is the perfect time to experiment with other traits you might find attractive too. I can’t tell you how many times someone has surprised me with having a brilliant sense of humor or a great chat even if they’re not necessarily someone that I would go for. There are plenty of Greek God-looking men on Tinder with absolutely zero banter, which is just a little soul destroying. When you give people a genuine chance in this no-consequences environment, the connections that you form could really surprise you.
“At the risk of objectifying your Tinder matches, you wouldn’t go to the supermarket without any direction of what you’re in need of, so why go on Tinder when you’re equally clueless?”
Get it off Tinder as fast as possible:
If you think that you have a connection with someone, I personally have a two-night rule. I know where your mind is going, but I mean this purely in terms of moving to another social media or platform to communicate with your match. By the end of the second night or day, it might be a good idea to change your mode of communication or decide this may not be the match for you. Not only does this tend to prove to you that they are a real person, and a real person that you could conceivably eventually spend time with in person, but it also cements the connection that you made on Tinder, which I don’t think is a great place to continue to talk to someone on a regular basis the way you would on Snapchat or Messenger. It’s also an opportunity to peel back more parts of their personality, see mutual friends, places you’ve both been travelling etc. It’ll give you more to chat about, give you prime social media stealthing opportunities and make your contact more casual and natural.
Know what you’re looking for:
This is more of a courtesy thing for who you’re talking to, because you’ll get all sorts on Tinder. At the risk of objectifying your Tinder matches, you wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, go to the supermarket without any direction of what you’re in need of, so why go on Tinder when you’re equally clueless? If you’re looking for a relationship, casual sex, conversation, a third in a relationship—genuinely whatever it is, you need to be honest from the getgo. There is no merit in leading someone on that you want a long-term relationship when in reality you want to have casual sex and never see them again. Likewise, don’t torture yourself when you’re looking for something exclusive and they’re there purely for sexy chats and nothing more. There is nothing wrong with being on Tinder for either reason, but you at least owe people the respect of honesty. You can generally tell someone’s intentions after the aforementioned two-night rule, if not there’s nothing wrong with asking. If you’re ever going to forge any sort of human connection with a person, the least that you can do is ask them what they’re looking for and answer the same question honestly.
“The taboo of girls texting first in heterosexual matches is archaic and just plain unnecessary, this isn’t the 1950s and you aren’t waiting on the other side of the dance floor for someone to ask for your hand.”
Perfect the opening line:
Firstly, you need to be comfortable texting first, regardless of your gender. The taboo of girls texting first in heterosexual matches is archaic and just plain unnecessary. This isn’t the 1950s and you aren’t waiting on the other side of the dancefloor for someone to ask for your hand. You’re in control of the direction the conversation goes in if you start the conversation, and who doesn’t like being one step ahead? The best opening lines either ask someone a question that’s difficult not to answer or relate to the person’s bio or pictures. It may seem a little clinical to use the same opening line every time, but it can be justifiable by the different directions the conversations go. It’s unfortunate that our standards are so high that a “hi” or “hey” generally go ignored. Try opening with a debate that has minimal real world consequences—it’s not the time to whip out Trump versus Biden yet, but maybe cats versus dogs? Pineapple on pizza? You get the gist. Name puns always go down a treat, too. They’re personal, funny and show a little bit of personality. You can’t really go wrong with a purposely and disgustingly cheesy pick-up line or a cute GIF of a fluffy animal waving. Whatever works for you, you need to consider what opening line you yourself respond best to. That way, you’ll most likely attract the right type of person for you and get in your flow!
“There is little opportunity in your Tinder profile to show who you really are, so utilise the power of the picture with everything you can.”
Let’s talk pictures:
I wish there was some kind of formula for the perfect set of Tinder pictures—if only it were that easy. Everyone is different with a different persona, and it’s great to convey this on your profile. It’s ideal to have your first picture on your own, purely for logistical reasons. There’s no need for more than five pictures in total, including a mixture of group pictures, you with some of your interests and one silly one or funny one. I have a picture of myself shoving a full slice of pizza into my mouth as my last picture and, honestly, the amount of conversations that has spurred on is slightly iconic. Don’t take this part too seriously. There’s no point in only having perfectly polished and airbrushed pictures up, no one is seeing your authenticity and actual personality.
There is little opportunity in your Tinder profile to show who you really are, so utilise the power of the picture with everything you can. Also please, no Snapchat filters, you don’t need dog ears to look cute.
